On Progress...

Well, this blog would not exactly be the pure definition of the word progress, but I’ve made some strides over the past year of vomiting my inner thoughts onto your computer screen. This will surely come as no news to you, but I’ve been rather inconsistent with my devotion to writing lately, something I’ve actually started to miss terribly. If for no other reason, it gives me something to do during my otherwise boring professional existence and also has the added benefit of making me look busy. I tried to somehow make the internet look “work related”, but had to give up and just succumb to the realization that everyone knows I have nothing to do…and are still willing to pay me for it. Your government dollars at work…

However, though progress in my professional life has been elusive (and here progress is defined as “doing something interesting”), progress at home is currently booming for K-Mad. Yes, our little townhouse is currently Boomtown. Why, progress is simply poring out of our child daily. Each time I return home I’m usually greeted by some sort of new ability. I’m reminded of The Matrix (as I often am it would seem) when things were learned by plugging your brain directly in to a computer. K-Mad is not unlike that. I expect that she will know kung-fu before the end of the day…

It seems like the 10th Month is her personal renaissance. Before, thanks in large part to those oh so helpful books like “What to Expect in the First Year”, which chart what your child may or should be able to do at point X, my wife and I held subdued conversations wondering if she was slow in learning some things. Now we know. She was just storing it up for a grand coming out party. Let’s review the accomplishments over the past 4 weeks, shall we:

Sitting up from a lying position (something I can barely do)
Pulling up on her crib to a stand position (and freaking mom out the first time)
Crawling
Pulling up to a standing position using a ledge over her head
Feeding herself her own bottle
Eating solids
Putting solid food into her own mouth
Walking around furniture
Clapping
Signing “More” for food
Saying “Mama” to Mom. Saying “Dada” to every farm animal known to man.

She turns 11 months on Sunday. I’m anticipating by the end of that 11th month she’ll be writing poetry. Actually, I find poetry horrific, so maybe something like consol gaming. I hear that Playstation 3’s are reasonably priced and in plentiful supply…

On Legacies...

Many times I come across on this blog as being pretty uncaring about how I’m perceived, or more importantly, I come across as trumpeting my inclination to all things lazy…and couch related. And I’d be lying if I told you I was totally misleading you about who I am on the inside. Let’s just say that I prefer in many cases to give you the more comedic, and most of the time hyperbolic, me on this ethereal realm of the internet. However, especially now that I’m a father, I do tend to let my mind wander to what kind of legacy I might leave behind when I pass away from this realm…and hopefully into something better. No, as you can imagine, I don’t exercise too many brain cells in this regard…in fact, my standing policy is to only let a fifth of my brain cells be exercised about anything at any one time (see, now that was hyperbole…or was it?).

I bring this up because 1) it has been a couple of weeks since my last post and I sense that you are wanting me to write about something meaty…something with weight, and 2) this week I had two encounters with grandfathers that really set me to thinking about what my kin will say about me or think about me in my last days. Hopefully I will enumerate on some of the ways I’ve been very lucky with the male role models that I see within my own family. In fact, when I see the state of many families in this country, and in the world, particularly in the raising of their male children, I get the feeling that God did actually make a mistake. He didn’t spread the wealth sufficiently, because my cup overfloweth…

My Grandfather on my Mom’s side died when I was around a year old I believe. Mom will surely be along to correct me in the comments section if I’m wrong…and trust me, family history is not always my strong suit. However, about that same time my Granny remarried a man named Heyward. Heyward is really all I ever knew as far as a grandparent on that side was concerned.

Heyward passed away a little over a week ago. It was really then that I realized for the first time what I lost in not knowing him as well as I should have. You see, for some reason, I don’t really know a lot about my Mom’s side of the family. I’ve always been closer to my Dad’s side, which is saying something because I don’t feel particularly close to that side either. In the case of Hewyard, I really only knew some very basic things. I always enjoyed going to see Granny and Heyward. Heyward was a sportsman, so his house was (and still is) a trophy case zoo of fish, duck and deer. To a little kid, it was mesmerizing…heck, it still is to me today. I also knew he served in the Navy in WWII. I have no idea where he served, or what battles he may have been involved in. Yet, knowing he went through that still makes an impression on me.

Today we would call Heyward’s career and life blue-collar. He was apparently an expert welder and taught that skill for many years in Sumter, SC. Today, I envy that type of skill. He was a man who could create things with his hands and the proper tool. I don’t know for sure, but I got the sense that he wasn’t just able to do it with a blowtorch. There was a certain sensibility that he had that I also envy. He was quiet and polite, and least from what I saw. He wasn’t quiet in the way that he never talked, he just said his piece and was never loud. There was an inner strength about him. I’m not sure if it was from experiencing hard things in life. I know he was a widower from his first marriage, and that his first wife suffered through a bad illness (cancer I believe). He didn’t ever come across as angry or resigned about his life though, and, in fact, often appeared to me to be happy and content where he was. He was also proud of his achievements and kept really good care of what he had worked so hard for. At his funeral, his perfectly kept lawn was an often-heard joke. I figured that had been Granny’s influence. I was so very wrong in that.

Speaking of his funeral, it was a full military funeral. Gun salutes, flag folding…taps…the whole nine yards. I learned as much about him at the funeral as I had in years of knowing him while growing up, primarily through what others said about him. Being a step-grandfather, there was a whole side of the family I had not met. One nephew of his spoke a bit about him from his days growing up. It was heartfelt and showed how respected he was by the people who knew him the best. His natural grandson read a letter that his mother wrote the night of Heyward’s death. Let’s just say, he left quite a legacy to his children and grandchildren to follow. I’m only sorry that I’m realizing now what I missed for so many years.

This week I also got to share a meal with my Grandaddy on my Dad’s side. He was up for an event at the Department of Labor for some policy or something that he helped create back in the day. I know Granddaddy a bit better than I knew Heyward only because of the time spent, and because Granddaddy talks a lot more. That’s not to say he is gregarious…although he is in a subtle way. In particular, as he is now 88 years old, I’ve noticed he talks a lot more about his experiences in life. I get the feeling he is actively trying to pass on his knowledge to the younger generations.

I don’t have a hope in this world of really ever achieving what Granddaddy has (or Heyward). I admire them both for what they’ve done in life. Granddaddy was once President Reagan’s Assistant Secretary of State for Veterans Affairs, and he still works in the SC state government for veterans affairs. His achievements, some of which bear his name I believe, will be felt throughout the country for many years. His ability to network…and I don’t mean that in any derogatory way like it is today is some ways…always impressed me. He could get things done because he seems to know everyone. He has ideas too. He always has had them, and he has the energy to see something happen from them. That amazes me. Not the having of ideas...but the having of desire to see them through.

For all their differences, both Granddaddy and Heyward have the key things the same. Primarily, they both loved their wives tremendously. They also worked very hard to achieve what they did. And although I don’t think that Granddaddy in particular is really sitting back to enjoy the fruits of that labor…primarily because he still insists on laboring…they both were deserving of the great lives and families they built around themselves. And they both knew God.

So how does that impact me? After all, I guess I’ve alluded to me thinking about my legacy in comparison to what my elders have shown me. First, in the realm of achievements I don’t really see anything I do as comparing. That is not a thought that depresses me though. I don’t aspire to that kind of achievement anyway. I’m not as lazy as I make out, but I don’t really have aspirations to achieve in the corporate realm. I don't care to ever have my name known by many people. Heck, the only way I’d ever hold anything in my hands that I created would be if I spit on my palm. Actually, I guess K-Mad would count too…

…and that is really where I take my lessons to heart. My legacy will hopefully be that I was a good father. Giving instruction when I needed to; laughing and carrying on at the appropriate times; disciplining my children so they don’t turn out to be total morons. I hope that I would be remembered for being a loving and loyal husband. I also hope that I would be known for knowing and loving God… although sometimes I’d just be content in knowing that will actually happen at some point. It is, after all, the legacy that both my Grandfathers left me.