On Not Talking About Citrus...

Man, I really don’t want to do two health related posts in a row. It's pathetic and a little too much continuity in my posting style. I like to jump around a bit more in what I...uh, discuss? And I’m really not trying to drum up sympathy…but if your sympathy includes money, then consider me my own percussion section. Let's see those checks come flowing in people...like a Mental Midget telethon. However, I do feel compelled to be a service announcement of sorts. Like a “the more you know”…or “knowing is half the battle” type of thing. It's about the knowing...

Because you see…Lymes Disease has really nothing to do with citrus…which was a real bummer when I found out. I thought it kind of funny when the doctor wanted to take blood to test for traces of lime. I mean, its been a while since I let any kind of fruit touch these insides…which might be a reason for something…I just can’t think of what right now. Moving away from my dietary genius, it was a little disturbing to be told that Lymes comes from ticks…that had recently dined…on me. That thought is crazy enough. I mean, tick, couldn't you do a little better than this? Are you homeless? Dining out of the trash today are we? Haven't you seen my neighbors. I think they might be a much better decision. Alas, ticks these days. You can lead them to sweet pasture, but they still go for the dregs...

Now, I do disgust myself from time to time, but I assure you that I wash thoroughly…and daily. While not known for much, I am known for my showering skills that are more marathonish than sprint…uh, ish. I can’t recall that last time I didn’t have a shower for the day… That thought actually skeeves me out a little. So this little guy must have been sneaky. Must have hid in my hair somewhere. Right now I know my wife would love to say "probably in your unibrow"... which is just mean. And partially true.

However, I do know whose fault this all is…Bailey…our dog. Or should I say my wife’s dog. I don’t want to imply that I dislike the dog…I just wish he was yours…so I could visit him and pet him and talk to him like a baby…but just at your house. See, I got this tick from him…or from walking him at some point. This is why I like to swear off both going outside and exercising. They are not natural, and worse, they often let nature do things...awful things to you. Take your lesson from me. You see that sun, you run...and don't look back. You see woods...you move...to Arizona or something. Nothing in the desert can hurt you. So both failed me. They did this to me. Bailey did this to me. Be careful, I might blame you next…

Ah, antibiotics…alas, I know thee well…