On Motherhood...

I wouldn’t say that I’m much of a morning person, but I’m also not militantly against the idea that I do have to wake up and start my day. I just don’t see the point in belaboring my rising and my shining in a war that I simply cannot win. I am a man of routines, and I do have a one for the morning. Lately that entails getting K-Mad from her room and delivering her to the food supply unit. Then I get myself nekkid and into the shower. Now, while in this birthday suit state, I won’t say that I exactly check myself out. I’ve been fighting a losing battle of the bulge that I don’t need to be reminded of daily. Let’s just say that my once emaciated looking college body is gone…gone, gone. Years ago I had someone tell me that I might actually want to eat a sandwich from time to time. I did…repeatedly. Although I take care to avoid visual confirmation of my waistline, I do always take a quick peak down to my gibblies to assure that the presence of wang is still there…

…and then I always take time to thank God that I am a male…

And this is how I’m starting my Mother’s Day post…

My wife is far superior to me in quality and…well…basically about every other way imaginable. Except in Scrabble. I still own her in Scrabble. She has put her career life on hold for the time being to take care of K-Mad. She has pored herself into the comfort and care of our child from day one with no complaints even at odd hours of the morning. It has not always been easy. I can see the toll it sometimes takes on her, especially when she is sacked out on the couch waiting for to hook herself up to what I call the Bessy Machine. But K-Mad is turning out to be a total delight, and that is in no small part to all the efforts of my wife. I’m not totally absent, but the special care K-Mad gets from her mother is huge, and I am so thankful for it…

…but you couldn’t pay me to take her place. I’m not talking about staying home, or taking care of K-Mad full time. I’d love to do that actually. Stay at home Dad is exactly how I’d like to spend my life…in theory. Since parents often view public school teachers as babysitters for their children, I think they should be paid accordingly. Then my wife could go back to work and make hundreds of thousands of dollars a year if you think about it. Hundreds of children and 8 hours at a conservative $20.00/child rate… We could make a bed of money and just roll in it.

I would never want to be a mother in today’s society because of the mix signals, and downright hostility some women have for those who either choose to stay home, or choose to go back to work. As you might guess, that is exactly where we find ourselves today. My wife has about two weeks left to determine what she will do for the next year. This is not the first time we have dealt with this question, and I’m sure it won’t be the last. The process of making that decision is influenced by what I see as two very different and distinct philosophies, neither of which is very accommodating to those who disagree with them. This is particularly the case if you are an evangelical Christian and my wife and I are. I’m not an expert, but I do know that in making her decision, these to viewpoints weigh heavily on her.

Naturally, the more conservative Christian viewpoint on motherhood is that, if at all possible, a woman should always stay home with her child(ren). There is little to no room for a woman to think about her career because her duty is to raise children, not worry about her place in the workforce. Proponents point to all kinds of scripture that they feel supports this view, particularly highlighting gender roles as they believe they are outlined in The Bible. Stepping down from that extreme, other Christians do recognize that woman may actually like to work and desire a career outside of raising the family. However, there is still the expectation that for a while, the mother should stay at home (usually until school age). Even in that case, the woman who might actually enjoy working and not want to put her career on hold to stay at home for much beyond maternity leave is, if not shunned, certainly made to feel awkward (most of the times not even deliberately).

On the other hand, today’s society seems to play the exact opposite card, but with the same inability for any kind of flexibility. Women who decide to stay home, forgoing their career for a time or forever are looked down upon by the more extreme elements. They are made to feel like they are striking against the cause of feminism and adhering to outdated gender roles for motherhood. You here it referred to as a 50’s woman, or June Cleaver. That or you are passed off as some sort of religious freak, or a trophy wife somehow not as strong and independent as the woman who chooses life outside the home. Either way, you are subservient to the wishes of males, or you have no ambitions of your own. My favorite part about this viewpoint is often it is supposedly the champion of open-mindedness. In theory it is. In practice, it is often a form of reverse narrow-minded demagoguery because if fails to take into account that 1) a woman can choose to stay at home as an expression of who she is, or of what she truly wants for herself and family and 2) even if it is out of a sense of faith, that does not reduce the woman to a caricature of servitude.

There is a middle ground. Many of the folks I know live in it. However, it seems that they are few and far between. My viewpoint is that I am going to support my wife regardless of what she and we decide for her next year. The fact of the matter is, she is an awesome teacher. Although I would love for her to stay home, if we can swing it, I do not share in the belief that there is enough Biblical evidence to suggest that a woman cannot work and be a mother at the same time. I’d even support her if she goes back to work for the sole purpose of her career. I just don’t support a society that tells her she has to do that or she will be less of a woman.

So, on this coming Mother’s Day, I say enjoy it babe. You are an awesome Mom no matter what the future holds!