On I-95 (For The Weekend)...
Contrary to popular opinion (popular being that of my wife), I do not hate to travel. I mostly hate to travel. It’s not as if I believe that the location I’m in is the end all be all…nor even the bees knees. I could stand to see other parts of this country…maybe even the world…well, minus Antarctica. My dislike of migration is primarily due to the method of transit and not so much that I just hate the concept. I think that if we ever did develop some sort of transporter device like they have in Star Trek, I’d trot…I’d trot the globe in fact.
I do loathe car travel though. There is seriously not one redeemable quality about car travel, except with the possibility of its conclusion at your destination. Not the packing, not the driving, not the stopping for gas…or lunch…or urination… The very first thing I do when I get in the car before a long trip…even before turning the key in the ignition, is wish that it was already over. Sure, I've participated in road trips during my college days. Every one of them started with the heady exhuberance and excited chatter of our nation's youth. After about two hours though, the serious thoughts of suicide to end the...whatever you want to call it...settles in.
Most of my travel has to do with going to see family in South Carolina. I guess that is redundant to say, because as you already know, I don’t actually have any family that doesn’t reside there. Virginia, for you non-geography types (or products of the New Jersey education system), is only two states north. In other words, it is just close enough that a plane trip isn’t really justified, but that a car trip…especially from Northern VA, is murderous. If you recall high school English, it’s one of Dante’s rings of Hell he wrote about in…that book he wrote. It’s 8 hours of soul reducing tedium.
One of the “joys” that my wife and I added to the travel process a couple of summers ago was a dog. In general, I don’t find dogs odious…not like cats anyway. My wife waged a successful campaign against me to get a dog, but it took two years for her to claim a final victory. At the end of this two years, we have finally found the perfect pooch, one that could always be counted on…to yack every single time he was in a vehicle. Every. Time. It doesn’t matter what we do, or try, that dog is going to vomit up the entire contents of his belly within the first 30 minutes of the trip. It’s not all bad though. Our Boy Bailey will not be with us the whole time. We’ll be dropping him off at the in-laws in Richmond. So I will only have to survive two hours with His Wretch-edness.
This trip to SC also features another article of stress…K-Mad. Besides the fact that this trip is primarily due to The Patriarch calling a “family meeting”, we are also using this is our official victory tour for the birth of our daughter. This is her first long trip. The fear of the unknown is causing all sorts of stress. Usually K-Mad loves the car…in a passed out sort of way. Will she love it for 8+ hours. Let’s just hope she doesn’t share Dad’s genes on that issue. At least she's wearing a diaper... If I could get my wife to do that, we' make it down there much faster.
So, tomorrow the Halls of Mental Midgetry will be taking this show on the road. You will not see my words of wisdom for nigh on a week. I’ll need a couple of days on the flip side to decompose…er, decompress. Until then…this post makes four straight days suckas… Bet you didn’t think I still had it in me!
I do loathe car travel though. There is seriously not one redeemable quality about car travel, except with the possibility of its conclusion at your destination. Not the packing, not the driving, not the stopping for gas…or lunch…or urination… The very first thing I do when I get in the car before a long trip…even before turning the key in the ignition, is wish that it was already over. Sure, I've participated in road trips during my college days. Every one of them started with the heady exhuberance and excited chatter of our nation's youth. After about two hours though, the serious thoughts of suicide to end the...whatever you want to call it...settles in.
Most of my travel has to do with going to see family in South Carolina. I guess that is redundant to say, because as you already know, I don’t actually have any family that doesn’t reside there. Virginia, for you non-geography types (or products of the New Jersey education system), is only two states north. In other words, it is just close enough that a plane trip isn’t really justified, but that a car trip…especially from Northern VA, is murderous. If you recall high school English, it’s one of Dante’s rings of Hell he wrote about in…that book he wrote. It’s 8 hours of soul reducing tedium.
One of the “joys” that my wife and I added to the travel process a couple of summers ago was a dog. In general, I don’t find dogs odious…not like cats anyway. My wife waged a successful campaign against me to get a dog, but it took two years for her to claim a final victory. At the end of this two years, we have finally found the perfect pooch, one that could always be counted on…to yack every single time he was in a vehicle. Every. Time. It doesn’t matter what we do, or try, that dog is going to vomit up the entire contents of his belly within the first 30 minutes of the trip. It’s not all bad though. Our Boy Bailey will not be with us the whole time. We’ll be dropping him off at the in-laws in Richmond. So I will only have to survive two hours with His Wretch-edness.
This trip to SC also features another article of stress…K-Mad. Besides the fact that this trip is primarily due to The Patriarch calling a “family meeting”, we are also using this is our official victory tour for the birth of our daughter. This is her first long trip. The fear of the unknown is causing all sorts of stress. Usually K-Mad loves the car…in a passed out sort of way. Will she love it for 8+ hours. Let’s just hope she doesn’t share Dad’s genes on that issue. At least she's wearing a diaper... If I could get my wife to do that, we' make it down there much faster.
So, tomorrow the Halls of Mental Midgetry will be taking this show on the road. You will not see my words of wisdom for nigh on a week. I’ll need a couple of days on the flip side to decompose…er, decompress. Until then…this post makes four straight days suckas… Bet you didn’t think I still had it in me!
posted by Beeley at 2:36 PM
2 Comments:
Sir Beeley,
The Aunt just gave me the address to your blog site.
My family is looking forward to seeing you all and finally meeting K-mad at the NZ Community Canter for the weekend.
Drive safe and see you Saturday.
The Yin/Yang fing-shui eldest G-son and Plowden cousin with a directional last name.
Bill, don't sweat the trip. If K-Mad is anything like our K-Madl was during our 20-hour evacuation from Houston, you won't here many peeps out of her. One bit of advice though...try not to be in the middle of nowhere (between towns) with nowhere to stop when she does wake up, or you could be in for a very loud experience
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