On Travel, Relatives and Rear Enders...
Once again I’ve been derelict in my duties to produce worthlessness in a blog format. I hope you forgive me, but you need to understand that my trip to see my family two weekends ago was that exhausting. His Vomitousness, my motion sick Fox Hound, produced wonders only known in one’s stomach lining twice on the way down, and once on the way back. The one on the way back was epic. Think dog food. Think floor air vent. Think not so beautiful union.
K-Mad did really well though. She slept most of the way. So did her mother. I was not accorded that same luxury.
I would also like to state that last week I was hit by a car…for no good reason. I was in my wife’s Honda Civic and thought for sure that life as I knew it…and I knew it to be alive….had just ended. I was stopping at a stoplight, which some are wont to do. The person behind me did not agree with my decision to observe normal, legal vehicular operating rules. She made her presence known…that is to say, we communicated with a jarring attack on my rear. I guess I decided that the car in front of me also needed to be in on this conversation and so I lightly caressed her posterior too. We all stopped. The woman in front of me and I exchanged numbers. The woman who started it all decided she had adequately determined that no visible damage was done and that no one was injured and that driving away was an appropriate response. I spent some time with one of Fairfax County's finest police officers. The end.
As you’ve come to know, I’m not all that adventurous. The last week or so was more than I really cared to handle. To be sure, my actual time in SC was pretty restful. Having a newborn is great. You can pretty much pull the pin, throw the child into the middle of the room and watch the ensuing lovefest from afar. And for the most part, I think K-Mad enjoyed her time in the Land of Milk and Honey. Her parents were a little more stressed by being removed from the workable routine we had established in Virginia. It’s always hard to figure out a travel routine, and K-Mad’s sleep patterns were murderous once we did return home. I hear that is normal. Which means that there will be no more travel with her until she turns 18. And that will only be to deposit her at college…
There was also a pig. A barbequed pig. It resided it all its glory…minus the head…on the kitchen counter. This is the portion of the trip that always produces much joy in me…at the expense of my wife. She is simply not used to folks milling about, talking Citadel and sticking their hands into what was once the place where the pig’s organs functioned, and pulling out huge chunks of barbequed perfection. She is not opposed to meat. I think that she actually has a good idea about how meat actually comes to land on your plate. I just don’t think she likes picking meat from something that resembles that which it once was. In this case, she said it reminded her of Wilbur from Charlotte’s Web. I don’t recall ever reading that book, but if I do in the future, I’m sure it will only succeed in making me hungry.
I guess the only other notable event of that weekend was being told to extend the family line by having a son…and that I don’t keep in touch enough for my Granddaddy’s liking. I can see that second point. I’m a pretty poor communicator is general, and especially with family. After all he’s done for me, it would only be right to let him know, from time to time, that he’s actually in my thoughts. But the first point. Well, I couldn’t give two craps about extending the family name. Despite the horror of multiple girls going through puberty around the same time, if I have all daughters from here on out, I can deal with that. Especially if I get to have a man room. This would be a room that I retreat to where estrogen is not invited. It's a room of various forms of visual media. It is a room that would be soley mine.
Oh, and my cousin Elizabeth has a eyebrow ring. I swore I’d give it a “shout out” as the homies say. I believe she is going through a period of trying to find herself. Why else does one get pierced? That makes sense. She’s about that age. Let me give you a hint, dear cousin. Leave SC for a few years. It will help with the process….
K-Mad did really well though. She slept most of the way. So did her mother. I was not accorded that same luxury.
I would also like to state that last week I was hit by a car…for no good reason. I was in my wife’s Honda Civic and thought for sure that life as I knew it…and I knew it to be alive….had just ended. I was stopping at a stoplight, which some are wont to do. The person behind me did not agree with my decision to observe normal, legal vehicular operating rules. She made her presence known…that is to say, we communicated with a jarring attack on my rear. I guess I decided that the car in front of me also needed to be in on this conversation and so I lightly caressed her posterior too. We all stopped. The woman in front of me and I exchanged numbers. The woman who started it all decided she had adequately determined that no visible damage was done and that no one was injured and that driving away was an appropriate response. I spent some time with one of Fairfax County's finest police officers. The end.
As you’ve come to know, I’m not all that adventurous. The last week or so was more than I really cared to handle. To be sure, my actual time in SC was pretty restful. Having a newborn is great. You can pretty much pull the pin, throw the child into the middle of the room and watch the ensuing lovefest from afar. And for the most part, I think K-Mad enjoyed her time in the Land of Milk and Honey. Her parents were a little more stressed by being removed from the workable routine we had established in Virginia. It’s always hard to figure out a travel routine, and K-Mad’s sleep patterns were murderous once we did return home. I hear that is normal. Which means that there will be no more travel with her until she turns 18. And that will only be to deposit her at college…
There was also a pig. A barbequed pig. It resided it all its glory…minus the head…on the kitchen counter. This is the portion of the trip that always produces much joy in me…at the expense of my wife. She is simply not used to folks milling about, talking Citadel and sticking their hands into what was once the place where the pig’s organs functioned, and pulling out huge chunks of barbequed perfection. She is not opposed to meat. I think that she actually has a good idea about how meat actually comes to land on your plate. I just don’t think she likes picking meat from something that resembles that which it once was. In this case, she said it reminded her of Wilbur from Charlotte’s Web. I don’t recall ever reading that book, but if I do in the future, I’m sure it will only succeed in making me hungry.
I guess the only other notable event of that weekend was being told to extend the family line by having a son…and that I don’t keep in touch enough for my Granddaddy’s liking. I can see that second point. I’m a pretty poor communicator is general, and especially with family. After all he’s done for me, it would only be right to let him know, from time to time, that he’s actually in my thoughts. But the first point. Well, I couldn’t give two craps about extending the family name. Despite the horror of multiple girls going through puberty around the same time, if I have all daughters from here on out, I can deal with that. Especially if I get to have a man room. This would be a room that I retreat to where estrogen is not invited. It's a room of various forms of visual media. It is a room that would be soley mine.
Oh, and my cousin Elizabeth has a eyebrow ring. I swore I’d give it a “shout out” as the homies say. I believe she is going through a period of trying to find herself. Why else does one get pierced? That makes sense. She’s about that age. Let me give you a hint, dear cousin. Leave SC for a few years. It will help with the process….
posted by Beeley at 1:09 PM
5 Comments:
Dear LB:
Glad to hear you made it home. Sorry the dog had icky tummy. Sorry about the accident, but glad you are safe.
It was great seeing you all. Meeting KMP was a blessing. She's a cutie.
Don't sweat the family line thingy. We were also told by Mr. PK's father that we must have a boy...for names sake. I say POOEY! We are getting whatever GOD wants us to have!!
Tattoo parlors are now legal in SC.....
Take care.
Mrs. PK
It was great to see the whole Plowdeezy Gang last week. K-Mad is a cutie, I'm pretty sure. It was kind of hard to get a clear, unobstructed viewing as her grandmother seemed to be in constant orbit around her. It was great! "THERE SHE IS!!! Awwww"-"Hey Great J"-"THERE SHE IS!!! Awwww"-"Hey Great J"-"THERE SHE IS!!! Awwww"-"Hey Great J"...and so forth...
Up until last weekend, I never thought twice about going for the golden slices of vinegar and peppery pig goodness from the highly cooked and perserved oink carcass on the kitchen counter. After last weekend I still don't. In fact, I want the head up there in the future so I can test the whole theory of putting lipstick on a pig.
"Ding, Dong, the pig is dead, the big, tasty pig is dead!!"
"Wilbur? Wilbur who?" "Will-bur-y his dead bones in the backyard after we eat all that tastey tastey barbeque yum deliciousness from where is fat piggy tummy was. Gorf, gobble, gorp, gorf, gobble..."
Actually, maybe the better name for our pigified delight in the future is "Babe". "That'll do, pig, that'll do...uh, Beeley, you gonna eat that?"
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM-MMMMMMMMMMMMMM. BAAAAAAAA BEEEEEEEEEEEE CHUUUUUUUUUUUU!!
Good stuff, and I guarantee that there is no babachu better than that particular babachu anywhere in the world, particularly North of North Carolina. In fact, especially nowhere North of North Carolina.
Enough about the pig.
Sorry to hear about your bump. I think NOVA drivers are actually as bad or worse than Charleston drivers. I once was saw some guy wreck, all by himself, into a telephone poll, during daylight, on a completely unbusy street in NOVA...wait...there really isn't such a thing as an unbusy street in NOVA..this story already sounds like a lie...I'll just stop there.
For situations like that, I've already decided that when I grow up, I'm buying a car that is actually just a grown up version of a bumper car, but runs on gasoline, or whatever we're driving with by then. Of course, it could be said that a lot of the local soccer mom Stepford wives that live around here are already doing that. Their bumper cars are actually part dressing room, vanity mirror, telephone booth, and TV room, and part car. They are called "Hummer", "Suburban", "Tahoe", and other cool outdoorsy names that ensure the driver that although the trip to the grocery store and daycare takes place on paved American roads, they are driving THE thing that will allow them to shop for Krispy Kremes doughnuts at the Kwiky Mart on top of Mount Everest, if the need should arise.
I guess those cars keep their husbands in their BMWs and them out of minivans.
As far as not winding up being a big disappointment to the whole family and thereby ruining any chance you ever had at leadership in the dynasty...you really should have a boy. Just kidding. Like you, I could care less about "extending the family name", but the thought of paying for 2 weddings scares me to death. In fact the only thing scarier is the though of going Henry the 8th on Mrs. PK and pumping out a platoon of future brides. By that point, I'll probably have 15 girls and one boy, at the very end, who will be so shell shocked by girls, he'll actually think that Banana Republic sells clothes for men.
As far as my own mantown, that's been in the works for a while. I tried to establish the garage area as my testosterone zone, but to no avail. I even had a chair in there so I could sit in manly quietness and contemplation in someplace that doesn't require plumbing or toilet paper...and isn't portable.
Well, I'm off to pierce my nose with my pinkie and get a life-sized tattoo of my face on my face.
Good to see you, hope to see you again, soon. July 4th, 2006 sounds good.
Scotty, your responses are starting to put me to shame. They are longer than my actual posts...and sometimes even more amusing. Sometimes. It was great seeing y'all and especially The Ru.
I had also forced myself to forget about the paying for wedding thing. Now I'm sufficiently freaked out...again.
My apologies to Plowden Knows and the rest of the family! Didn't realize I was being so "piggish" til afterwards. However, Mrs. PK took some wonderful pictures you can look at without any interruption! It was a fun day and hope we'll all be able to be together again on the Fourth! Love you all!
So good to see you the other weekend, My. Beeley..you've truly outdone yourself with a beautiful baby girl, and Dana's still around. Bravo, Sir, Bravo.
That's right. I made it.. I have a large piece of metal pertruding from my right eyebrow. Killer.
So "stoked" to the be the "rebel" of the family. (Unless you count eating cereal with a soup ladel and touching every piece of fried chicken on the table to find the one best suited for ones' self.) I have metal in my face...and i actually enjoy it being there. Thanks for the shout out.. and if I had "homies" (please, Mr. Beeley, if I had "homies" you'd notice that I'd dress differently, talk differently, and be...colored...differently.) I'd tell them of you and your quick humored wit.
Goodnight, and goodluck.
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