On Travelling (Part Duex), Screams and Wedding Things...
This weekend will be another travel weekend, and we here at The Halls of Mental Midgetry are trying to hold back the tides of panic that are already threatening to wash over us. CINCHOUSE called before 9:00a.m., before my seat was even warm, to inform me that she already had lists of stuff we needed to do and to pack before we hit the road tomorrow. I think she enjoys doing this to me. It’s not like we just met. We have known each other for over a decade…we are about to celebrate five years of marriage. And in case none of that educated her, she does read this blog. So evidence suggests that my stress is some sort of perverse joy for her.
This will not be a long trip in the sense of how far we have to drive. We’re only going to Richmond, a mere two hours away. In Northern Virginia Time to Real Time conversion that’s still only a 4 hour trip. So it’s not like we are going down to SC or anything. Plus, this weekend we are going to participate in a wedding of a long time friend to the Beeley’s dating back to our youthful days at JMU. Good times are virtually guaranteed. I’m even getting gussied up in a tux. Not surprisingly, I don’t often gussy up, so that should be an event unto itself. I imagine my friend's stress out paces mine for the weekend. But this blog is really about him, now, is it?
To make matters even better, I have definitively proven the existence of God. Theologians, historians, athiests and dogmatic followers can finally put aside their differences. The proof is simply this...the fox hound will not be joining us on this journey. A dog sitter has been found for He Who Vomits Muchly. (And seriously, I’ve watched this dog jump over couches, turn on a dime repeatedly when chased, navigate wooded areas at full speed and outrun most other animals except greyhounds and cheetahs. How is it possible…how is it POSSIBLE…that he has motion sickness!?!). I take great comfort that I will not be spending any time cleansing my car from his morning meal. K-Mad is another matter, but we can at least put a bib on her.
However, we are still traveling with an infant. I’ve discovered that K-Mad is very much like a rock star and her mother and I are her entourage. She has been known to make unreasonable demands about her car seat like: “I want to get out of this car seat!”, or even “I’m hungry, feed me now!”. She is turning into a diva...minus the cocaine addiction. There are three people going to Richmond this weekend, but 80% of the cargo will be K-Mad related. If it’s not the Pack N’ Play, it’s the swing. We are even bringing her bouncy seat. There might be room for her mother and I to bring a change of clothes, but I'm willing to turn my underwear inside-out if I must. I can relive college for a weekend.
Of course, all of this is in an effort to make sure she has the comforts of home so as not to totally flake out on us. That is the cause of much anxiety at the moment. Along with the really cool new things she is doing, like laughing and smiling, she has also started her period of…less pleasant communication. The past two nights have been learning experiences for me personally. To this point, K-Mad has cried, and at times those cries were sustained and loud. But they were cries. We have now entered the screaming stage. Two nights ago, while trying to put her down for the night, she decided that she didn’t want Dad. She let me know this with screams of displeasure. I thought maybe she was in pain, but that proved to be false because she shut up the second Mom took her.
Last night was a true baptism though. My wife had gone to get her nails done for the wedding. She was gone for about an hour and a half. Of that time, K-Mad screamed for about 45 minutes straight. I was sure that all 15 of our neighbors living next door thought I was murdering my child. I had to leave her be at one point and just let her cry for 15 minutes before trying to re-engage. Long story short, I prevailed in the end. I think that bout may have been gas related, but still, only when she got her first round of shots did she scream like that…and that ended after 2 minutes. I told me wife had she returned in the middle of that, I would have given her the child without a word, made my way to the shower, waited until the water was poring over me…and cried my eyes out in frustration. That was brutal. Don't judge me. You weren't there. As it was, she found me calm but totally wiped out on the couch watching Weird Al in UHF…I was that screwed up.
But I grew some thicker skin, and will not be as affected the next time. My worry is that my mother-in-law, who will be caring for K-Mad for two nights in a row as we participate in wedding activities, is not prepared for this. Now, I’m about to wade right into controversy here. I want you to know that I could not ask for better in-laws all around, especially not a better mother-in-law. Yet, I must say that I would not be feeling angst if my own mother was watching K-Mad instead. Now before everyone starts diving for cover thinking that I just started some war, let me explain. My wife and brother-in-law must have been absolute cherubs, because for some reason my mother-in-law honestly believes that if a child is crying for an extended period…especially screaming, then a) they must be hungry or b) if they aren’t hunger then something must be medically wrong with them and a pediatrician needs to be involved. On the other hand, my mother raised me. I’ve watched her rock K-Mad for about an hour in the early morning while she wailed…and my mother would still smile at me as I came into the nursery. What a freak. She was totally unaffected. I got the sense from her smile that she was saying “You were worse. This is nothing”.
The last family gathering with K-Mad and my in-law side did not go well either. K-Mad didn’t scream, but let’s just say happiness was not exhibited to any great degree. I felt like my mother-in-law took it personally that K-Mad did not respond well to her attempts to calm her down. Like she had failed or something. I felt like taking her aside and saying “Woman. (I’m all about respect you see) You need to realize that the little girl in there is a Beeley spawn. You just don’t understand. We turn out alright in the end, but the beginning can be a loud, rough ride”.
I am, of course, doing my blog bit here and speaking in hyperboles. My mother-in-law is well equipped to deal with her granddaughter. She has three grandchildren already and my niece, her son’s daughter, was known to pitch a fit too. I would just feel awful two of her nights are not spent seeing all the great qualities of K-Mad, but seeing the…brutal.
Oh, and the real beauty of the weekend schedule is that K-Mad has her second round of shots tomorrow morning. Seriously, who planned this day?
This will not be a long trip in the sense of how far we have to drive. We’re only going to Richmond, a mere two hours away. In Northern Virginia Time to Real Time conversion that’s still only a 4 hour trip. So it’s not like we are going down to SC or anything. Plus, this weekend we are going to participate in a wedding of a long time friend to the Beeley’s dating back to our youthful days at JMU. Good times are virtually guaranteed. I’m even getting gussied up in a tux. Not surprisingly, I don’t often gussy up, so that should be an event unto itself. I imagine my friend's stress out paces mine for the weekend. But this blog is really about him, now, is it?
To make matters even better, I have definitively proven the existence of God. Theologians, historians, athiests and dogmatic followers can finally put aside their differences. The proof is simply this...the fox hound will not be joining us on this journey. A dog sitter has been found for He Who Vomits Muchly. (And seriously, I’ve watched this dog jump over couches, turn on a dime repeatedly when chased, navigate wooded areas at full speed and outrun most other animals except greyhounds and cheetahs. How is it possible…how is it POSSIBLE…that he has motion sickness!?!). I take great comfort that I will not be spending any time cleansing my car from his morning meal. K-Mad is another matter, but we can at least put a bib on her.
However, we are still traveling with an infant. I’ve discovered that K-Mad is very much like a rock star and her mother and I are her entourage. She has been known to make unreasonable demands about her car seat like: “I want to get out of this car seat!”, or even “I’m hungry, feed me now!”. She is turning into a diva...minus the cocaine addiction. There are three people going to Richmond this weekend, but 80% of the cargo will be K-Mad related. If it’s not the Pack N’ Play, it’s the swing. We are even bringing her bouncy seat. There might be room for her mother and I to bring a change of clothes, but I'm willing to turn my underwear inside-out if I must. I can relive college for a weekend.
Of course, all of this is in an effort to make sure she has the comforts of home so as not to totally flake out on us. That is the cause of much anxiety at the moment. Along with the really cool new things she is doing, like laughing and smiling, she has also started her period of…less pleasant communication. The past two nights have been learning experiences for me personally. To this point, K-Mad has cried, and at times those cries were sustained and loud. But they were cries. We have now entered the screaming stage. Two nights ago, while trying to put her down for the night, she decided that she didn’t want Dad. She let me know this with screams of displeasure. I thought maybe she was in pain, but that proved to be false because she shut up the second Mom took her.
Last night was a true baptism though. My wife had gone to get her nails done for the wedding. She was gone for about an hour and a half. Of that time, K-Mad screamed for about 45 minutes straight. I was sure that all 15 of our neighbors living next door thought I was murdering my child. I had to leave her be at one point and just let her cry for 15 minutes before trying to re-engage. Long story short, I prevailed in the end. I think that bout may have been gas related, but still, only when she got her first round of shots did she scream like that…and that ended after 2 minutes. I told me wife had she returned in the middle of that, I would have given her the child without a word, made my way to the shower, waited until the water was poring over me…and cried my eyes out in frustration. That was brutal. Don't judge me. You weren't there. As it was, she found me calm but totally wiped out on the couch watching Weird Al in UHF…I was that screwed up.
But I grew some thicker skin, and will not be as affected the next time. My worry is that my mother-in-law, who will be caring for K-Mad for two nights in a row as we participate in wedding activities, is not prepared for this. Now, I’m about to wade right into controversy here. I want you to know that I could not ask for better in-laws all around, especially not a better mother-in-law. Yet, I must say that I would not be feeling angst if my own mother was watching K-Mad instead. Now before everyone starts diving for cover thinking that I just started some war, let me explain. My wife and brother-in-law must have been absolute cherubs, because for some reason my mother-in-law honestly believes that if a child is crying for an extended period…especially screaming, then a) they must be hungry or b) if they aren’t hunger then something must be medically wrong with them and a pediatrician needs to be involved. On the other hand, my mother raised me. I’ve watched her rock K-Mad for about an hour in the early morning while she wailed…and my mother would still smile at me as I came into the nursery. What a freak. She was totally unaffected. I got the sense from her smile that she was saying “You were worse. This is nothing”.
The last family gathering with K-Mad and my in-law side did not go well either. K-Mad didn’t scream, but let’s just say happiness was not exhibited to any great degree. I felt like my mother-in-law took it personally that K-Mad did not respond well to her attempts to calm her down. Like she had failed or something. I felt like taking her aside and saying “Woman. (I’m all about respect you see) You need to realize that the little girl in there is a Beeley spawn. You just don’t understand. We turn out alright in the end, but the beginning can be a loud, rough ride”.
I am, of course, doing my blog bit here and speaking in hyperboles. My mother-in-law is well equipped to deal with her granddaughter. She has three grandchildren already and my niece, her son’s daughter, was known to pitch a fit too. I would just feel awful two of her nights are not spent seeing all the great qualities of K-Mad, but seeing the…brutal.
Oh, and the real beauty of the weekend schedule is that K-Mad has her second round of shots tomorrow morning. Seriously, who planned this day?
posted by Beeley at 12:04 PM
2 Comments:
Good luck.
Have fun at the wedding festivities...just the two of you...like a long date.
Don't call home to check on the baby. If there is a problem, M-I-L will call you.
Enjoy.
Mrs. PK
I think what I said to the first person that took H-Bomb for an overnight so Mrs. PK and I could be grownups was:
"GREATOKSEEYOULATERHAVEFUNTHANKSBYE"
It was followed by "POOF!" written inside a little cartoon cloud.
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