On Man Showers...
I’m now in that age group where most of my friends and associates…my posse if you will, are married and embarking on that next major life stage…parenthood. A little over a year ago, the first Great Baby Infestation was imminent and baby showers started to spring onto the calendar with alarming regularity. I believe my wife was somehow associated with no less than 15 females in some stage of swollen belly syndrome. There was one month I didn’t even see my wife if it was a Saturday.
I felt sorry for my wife. Not only did she have to attend a bunch of showers during a time where our own “practicing” was not making perfect, but during my debriefings of her experience, I learned the truth about baby showers. They are horrid events. Don’t get me wrong, my wife enjoyed them very much…a thought that still amazes me. Apparently, the highlights of such events are finger foods, party games, coffee, pleasant conversations and watching the swollen lady in the corner open all her loot. In other words, it’s an elementary school birthday party for women, complete with frilly decorations.
During this time period, I did a lot of thanking of God that these were not co-ed events. However, the inequality of the situation was not lost on me. I don’t mean that I thought that I should have to go to some insanely boring event. I mean that all these women were getting together almost weekly to have what for them passes as a good time, while the guys stayed home. It’s not that staying home with actual free time was a bad thing, it just seemed that with that free time I could be doing something constructive…like playing poker, or attending a LAN party.
I wasn’t the only one who noted the disparity, other husbands were also rumbling about how we should have some event, especially because it would be so much better. I certainly wasn’t one of the prime architects, but somehow the Man Shower came into fruition…and there was much rejoicing.
Let me outline for you the parameters of a Man Shower. There are no finger foods. The Man Shower features the two most important food groups: meat and starch. I suppose you could eat with your fingers however, which would be sufficiently manly enough to not be called on it. To be sure, we do have coffee, but that is to keep us awake after we’ve eaten ourselves into a stupor, washed down with some fine wine. Usually that coffee is something very black that burns on the way down. And then come the cigars. No Man Shower is complete without the resident cigar expert passing out his wares. Usually we partake of these cigars around a fire pit, fire of course being another symbol of manliness. But most importantly, we are efficient. All the prospective fathers are invited at the same time so we don’t have to keep planning another event every week. And there are no gifts. The prospect of one man giving the other a boppy…well…frankly it freaks me out.
The best part though, is that my turn is coming in a couple of weeks…and I can’t wait.
I felt sorry for my wife. Not only did she have to attend a bunch of showers during a time where our own “practicing” was not making perfect, but during my debriefings of her experience, I learned the truth about baby showers. They are horrid events. Don’t get me wrong, my wife enjoyed them very much…a thought that still amazes me. Apparently, the highlights of such events are finger foods, party games, coffee, pleasant conversations and watching the swollen lady in the corner open all her loot. In other words, it’s an elementary school birthday party for women, complete with frilly decorations.
During this time period, I did a lot of thanking of God that these were not co-ed events. However, the inequality of the situation was not lost on me. I don’t mean that I thought that I should have to go to some insanely boring event. I mean that all these women were getting together almost weekly to have what for them passes as a good time, while the guys stayed home. It’s not that staying home with actual free time was a bad thing, it just seemed that with that free time I could be doing something constructive…like playing poker, or attending a LAN party.
I wasn’t the only one who noted the disparity, other husbands were also rumbling about how we should have some event, especially because it would be so much better. I certainly wasn’t one of the prime architects, but somehow the Man Shower came into fruition…and there was much rejoicing.
Let me outline for you the parameters of a Man Shower. There are no finger foods. The Man Shower features the two most important food groups: meat and starch. I suppose you could eat with your fingers however, which would be sufficiently manly enough to not be called on it. To be sure, we do have coffee, but that is to keep us awake after we’ve eaten ourselves into a stupor, washed down with some fine wine. Usually that coffee is something very black that burns on the way down. And then come the cigars. No Man Shower is complete without the resident cigar expert passing out his wares. Usually we partake of these cigars around a fire pit, fire of course being another symbol of manliness. But most importantly, we are efficient. All the prospective fathers are invited at the same time so we don’t have to keep planning another event every week. And there are no gifts. The prospect of one man giving the other a boppy…well…frankly it freaks me out.
The best part though, is that my turn is coming in a couple of weeks…and I can’t wait.
posted by Beeley at 10:13 AM
2 Comments:
Even better than the finger foods and the gift-bingo, is the excitement on the faces of the wives of those attending the Man shower when they find out that the tea is in fact decaf and they can have it even though they are swollen or lactating.
Ugh, it's even more horrible than I thought! I won't be sleeping tonight, that's for sure...
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